April 19th Journal Entry: Loss

The sad part of today was learning of the death of Luz's baby. Luz is a Mom at the Hogar whose won Willie has been with her here. Willie is a treasure...a fine young boy that is so wonderful with the smaller children. I have had some conversations with Luz, through Martha and she is so kind. I remember the night I told her how wonderful I thought Willie was and how much he looks like her! I said, through Martha, "there is no mistaking who his Mother is!" She was so helpful when we had the parasite campaign at the Hogar. She laboured at the Hogar but the ambulance could not reach her as quickly as normal, partly due to the blockades. Apparently the cord was around the baby's neck and the hospital nurses just could not deliver the baby appropriately without the assistance of the doctor, who wasn't there. The whole concept of the Hogar is that these women come in from the jungle as high risk pregnancies so they can deliver with the aid of the hospital. Luz's baby was a healthy sized baby boy we are told.

I had thought about Luz, coming back into Yuri today and wondered if perhaps she may have had her baby. I was thinking how wonderful it would be to come back to a new baby at the Hogar. We were standing around talking and laughing together, reuniting with our many friends at the Hogar when I asked someone if Luz had had her baby. The woman's face just went flat and she told me then that Luz's baby had died. I was devastated. I excused myself upstairs and simply cried and cried. My heart ached for the loss that Luz and Willie have known; the loss for the Hogar women, and the fear the nurses must have known trying to deliver this babe. I cried for the disparity in health care I have witnessed during my time in Peru. I cried for a baby that perhaps would not have died if we had been here as a Medical Team to help deliver him. The tears that flowed from me were the summation of so many experiences I had faced to this point. While we have known much joy here from the people, we have seen remarkable pain as well. Today, the reality of Luz's loss, someone I had come to care for, just felt too overwhelming.